Never Give Up!

I am a LIVING testimony that trouble does NOT last always. For the last 18 months, things have been rocky, a lot of test and trials, heartaches and etc. I felt like my world was turned upside down. Often, almost everyday, I would ask God "WHY?" Why are you doing this to me, what did I do wrong? I felt so much guilt, I felt punished and condemned. I felt like God was mad at me. Life was a roller coaster, I was suffering from depression. 1 moment I would be happy and the next I was a wreck. Pains in the chest, crying out of no where. I was a total mess. Even though I felt this way, I never turned away from God, I was just trying to communicate and talk and figure out why he was punishing me. I never hated him or anything like that but I was so confused on why.

Well, the truth is, God was NOT punishing me. God was actually trying to talk to me, He was trying to get my attention. I just wasn't listening, and the more I didn't listen the more I was hurting myself. I needed to have control, I was so afraid of things not going right that they needed to go my way. Well, that was the problem. Trusting God doesn't happen over night. Even when we think we trust him, we may not actually trust him. I would say, yes I trust God but yet I would still try to be in control. When it came to my life, I had major trust issues. Often times we blame God for the things we go through, it took a long time for me to realize it was MY fault. I've lost a lot of people, a lot of my material things. I thought it was punishment, when really God was setting me up for something greater, but I didn't know that because it was against what I had in my mind. Losing those people or things was not in my plan so of course I felt condemned when it happened. Finally, I got so tired of being depressed and so tired of feeling alone, and crying and drained. My hair was falling out and skin was breaking out from stress. My Costochondritis was flaring up everyday. When I say I was a mess, hunny you have no idea.

I just knew I didn't want to be like that anymore, I couldn't take it. So, I let go. I stopped trying to force people to stay that God wanted me to let go of. I stopped trying to hold on to things that God wants to replace. I let go of wanting to be in control. I started listening to sermons, and reading scriptures here and there, writing to God, and listening to positive teachings. Doing so changed my mindset. I could have made all the changes in the world, but if I didn't change my mindset it wouldn't have mattered. It didn't happen over night, I still struggled with wanting to have things my way, I still do, but now I can quickly correct myself. I use to think the saying "Let go and let God" was just a common thing that people say. Until one day I actually tried it. I didn't see the meaning right away, so I fought with that, but I keep going back to it. Until that phrase stuck. I surrended, I told God that I was going to step out of the way.

After a while I seen things begin to happen that I never thought would happen or happen so soon. Things that looked so far a way became present. I started getting emails out of the blue, emails that changed my life. I got an email from a school that I applied to over a year or two ago telling me what other documents they needed for me to start this semester. Huh? I applied to you years ago, what are you talking about, I was thinking. When I say God is good. I knew God wanted me back in school and I knew he would take care of it. I prayed about it months ago and asked God to show me what school and what major. Well I am officially a student, starting school August 17, 2015. I then went to pray and tell God what I was going to do and what degree I was going to get lol. There I was again, telling God my plans lol. Quickly my prayer was interupted with a correction, he told me to go a step further. Really God? Then I immediately thought back to when I was a young teenager and this Pastor never met him before, the first time attending his church, prophesied to me exactly what God was telling me now. Here it is years later, God confirming what that Paster had said to me. Now the Pastor had also said something to me that had came to pass already years ago, I just had forgotten all about the other things he said. I was at a lost for words, I was so excited, I still am. By the end of that conversation with God, I knew what major and what degree. Now I'm not saying to believe everything that people prophesied to you, because all prophets aren't speaking from the Lord. When God tells you something, He will confirm it, may not be right away, but He will. For me, it was years later that God confirmed this, but He did, I have received my confirmation. Things are coming full circle, because I put my trust in God. My faith has been strengthened so much within this past year and a half. I was one of those people that thought when you pray for something and it doesn't happen right away then it wasn't going to happen. No, it just means it will happen when God wants it to happen. It took over a year, but guess what, it's happening. God did NOT forget about me, God was working in me. He was molding me and strengthening me this whole time. He was teaching me to trust Him. I had to sit down and show myself that God has always done what He said He was going to do, so why would He not do it now. When I say I am in so much awe with God and my life right now. Yes it took over a year, no it didn't happen when I wanted it to happen which was over a year ago lol but it's happening now. I had to trust and believe that where I am at this moment is where God wants me, and I won't be in this situation longer than he want me in it. When God says be still, He means it. Get out of his way and let him work. Do your part and believe, and He'll take care of the rest.

It feels good to know that I am not in control of life, cause life is complicated. It feels good to know that I dont have to fight these battles, God has already won them for me. It feels good to know that I have someone protecting me and guiding me through life. God wants us to be healthy, and stress free. Whenever I begin to worry, I pray, and God always shows me that He is still in control. I am no longer depressed. I have so much peace. Rest in Him. You will go from barely making it to more than enough. Soon I will give my full testimony, but I just wanted to share this with you all. Trust God WILL change your life. God Bless.